Finally I had the first accident experience. Some people may say this should be your second but hey, hitting a cow on a rainy day when you are driving insanely slow doesn't count as one and moreover I wasn't hurt then. Leaving that aside, as I have a reason for almost everything I have one for this too. I was speeding as I saw the green turn yellow where I usually take the right turn and there was an accent on the left lane which was parked or so I thought which upon realizing the yellow, almost like someone pushed a thrust button, changed gears and tried to turn to the right by coming into the right lane where I was happily accelerating. I panicked (not my trait) as its almost into my way and I just applied whatever got in my mind, the brakes that is. I slipped and fell. This is common. It happens.

Now the lady from the car to open the door and ask "You fell all by yourself. No?" Thats uncommon. Its more uncommon than anything else that could be uncommon. Here is someone on the road dusting himself checking the bruises and all you could muster is a question reflecting your innocence in what has happened! I laughed with all the pain.

The good thing is I got away with what could be a serious one with just a scratch on my hand. I still can't believe I got away with such a small injury.
The reason this happend is that somehow nature wanted to make sure I know I am still not 'that' perfect. So much for the arrogance!

Lovely article about the famous defence we 'had'.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article2462721.ece

Wenger needs to get his magic hat out and procure someone in the league of the fabulous four. Its disheartening to see his face after the repeated defeats although it was brought upon by himself and there is none to blame for. Change, any sort of change, is a must.

Why should it be like this? To be caught in different minds while filling up self-performance sheet. I mean why should we do when it is our superiors who should do the performance measuring. I just don’t get it. I have to mark myself as in how I performed the task that was given to me which would always be: I did the best. Nah it can’t be like that, they say, you are supposed to be pragmatic in filling it up. What the heck does that mean? I am good at whatever I do, I say with a smile. Do you want it to be relative and if so I am not the one who should be doing it instead, you should be evaluating us. They would have none of it. It is the process, they answer. I know when to keep quiet. So, how do you fill it up?

This is going to be a real problem especially if you are working in the IT. What you do is code and may be test it and then you fix the bugs(if any). Oh! we prepare docs too. Now the code you 'write' might be a very good job done from the perspective of your boss while you think its just a small task which is being given unnecessary prominence. When its time for the self-appraisal as they call it, you cannot be pretty sure about what your boss thinks about that job you did in the last month. So you might go with a lower grade and he actually who thinks it to be genuinely good job would be surprised to see yourself grading it less and might alter his opinion just because you don’t think that was your best job or dangerously leave it as you graded without a second thought and am sure the latter happens the most. And the next criteria which you graded high might be scaled down to a lower grade as your boss shares a different view. All get together and you are in deep s**t. You might actually go with grading best for all the criteria and the idea itself is really sympathetic as everyone knew very well that it cannot be true especially in a company as huge as ours. No one is going to do all the jobs in the project and hence you can be sure your testing is inferior to the person next to you whose main job is that while yours is documentation. Don’t ask me how can one portray something good in his appraisal if documentation is the only job in his 4 month project time. That is irrelevant. Anyway I digress. Show something you did under each criteria and grade it, they say. So if you attend certain lectures irrelevant to your project or even to your domain it is not going to matter. Mention it and everything that you did under the sun and yes even the two lines script that you copied from Unix forum to do a simple task would do. Sigh!

During my school days we used to have a teacher who used to give tests and then ask us to change the sheets with others and correct them. Who in his right frame of mind in this world would do that, I used to think(no morals and ethics), and now looking at the big corporate doing it I am going to take it with a pinch of salt when they say they are going to use the statistics.Throw some ‘A’s and some lower grades to compensate as to show that you actually care for the process and truly doesn’t think it to be another frivolous task. Yes that would do and that is what I did. Now I await my manager’s opinion. I would say he would better go with it. Who wants another hour of unnecessary argument rather fight.

what a day in the IPL. Finally got to see two close finishes. More of that would do no harm.

Gutted to see Ganguly suffer loss after a brilliant display. Buchanan has lost the plot. Mendis is always a fine option but you should consider the opposition strength before you strategise and KKR coach was naive in allowing mendis to bowl the super over even though he knew Pathan is going to bat. 2 points thrown away rather silly. Warne is rather brave to bowl kamran khan but he is always like that.

Three days of the IPL and not a single match worth the excitement I felt after the IPL 1. The crowd is dull and so are the commentators. Mandira Bedi! Why God why? Isn't it enough we have Arun Lal, Ravi and Gavaskar with their tracer bullets and cool cucumbers! Why on earth do we need her? For the stammering or the carbon copy of mayanti lancer's dress sense? And the rain is almost a certain not that I blame Modi for that. Yuvi probably hates it much now that his team has lost twice as the games have been reduced over efforts. 6 overs! Even in our galli we used to look down on those who played less than 8 overs a match and we are talking about something called a global game(cue: Modi)!! As of now I feel its not worth bunking office and definitely not worthy of sacrificing sleep. Ahh you get the gist.

PS: Harsha Bhogle on SET MAX!!! I am being candid when I say I am surprised with his inclusion but its the way forward for them. Now dispatch Mandira to India: wouldja please.

I have always believed people change; all the time. Did I change? I am sure I did. Not that I noticed much of it till my plus two. It went unnoticed by me. The first time I observed something different was in my second year of engineering when my long time friends met and I just couldn't get to be myself among the group. It might be because of the different atmospheres everyone was in at that time but I could see the difference by a mile as in how suffocating it was. And when my school class teacher pointed out that I changed a lot since we last met. After that, I was conscious of the changes albeit inadvertently. There might be something about me that has been changed which I didn't know and still don't but I can say it would be in the minority because, if I didn't, there is always my grandma to point out everything and I believe her except for one when she says I have become thinner.
That’s impossible. Simply out of question!

But from last year something has been changed unconsciously. I just didn't know; that's until now.

I am averse to any kind of change that might happen to me or to anyone (anything) surrounding me in the past few months. I just want everything to continue to be as it is, not like the world being still for ever but something in similar lines with the earth rotating and everyone aging. Call it routine if you will. I like that. I dreaded to change the pattern of what I do on my weekends, what I do in the office, the way I work, the people I talk with, the channels I watch, the phone calls I make.. everything everything.. even the sleep. I was never like this. I am not saying I am not much of a sleep person but timing is a bit too much. Not that I was an outgoing person before but never this reluctant to change or meet people and talk to people. I previously used to say NO to almost everything only to say Yes a few seconds later. But now I just say NO to almost everything. Be it the extra work that my boss wants me to do or the weekend they want me work for support or the little amount of cricket, colleagues want to me to join in or the trip my roommate loves to go on or the new place to dine in or the idea of catching the new movie. Everything goes with a firm NO these days. Okay the movies might be exempted as everything is crap these days. But the rest... people stopped asking me now. And worst, I ould find reasons to say NO. Valid or invalid doesn't matter as long as I wanna say NO.

This wasn't like any other time where my grandma points out my abnormal behaviour or the change she saw in me and I laugh it off. Something new, that I recognized the hard way. For the first time in my life I missed home. I felt alone. For the first time I guess. Until now, I never missed home!!! Both my parents work and me living without them around me was not a seldom occurrence and I never missed them. I stayed for almost one and half year in the college not going home. I was never homesick. And I never felt alone. Ever! That wasn't me. So I thought but this time it was different. Something has changed.
I wanted to talk to someone so bad that I browsed through my phonebook only not to call anyone. Not even home. May be that’s what you get once you leave the comforts of the college. Not the bed, food and shelter but the other: Friends. I thought so. May be four years of stay after all made me feel like this. But no, not even that. I didn't want to go meet them even when I had a chance; chances if I tried a little hard. That is when I realised I kind of grew out of talking to others, caring for others in one way or the other (call it socialization?) and started living a lonely life some time back, of which I was completely unaware of. And I watched a season of desperate house wives!!!!! That should have been the final nail in the coffin but it wasn't.

I figure out, since my initial finding of changes associated with our lives, changes exist in life and phases too which fade out as quickly as they come or stay for a while lingering that extra moment to exasperate you. I really hope this is just a phase in my life. And not a sure shot change. That would be truly dreadful.

I got a call from the BSNL Engineer asking me whether I would be available at 11.30 AM tomorrow so that he could send someone to give us a new connection

After kicking myself to make sure it isn't a dream, I hurrahed only to see someone from the other project wondering what the hell happened to the silent guy!! I just can't believe it. I persisted them all these days calling each and every day only to hear some random reason and certain days, they wouldn't even answer the phone.May be the whole office is on leave. It can happen, I assure you. People told me to give it atleast three months. And they still insist not to count before the chickens hatch. But noone can stop me enjoying the moment they called. They called!!!